


1: crux

by class_3A



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Ambiguous Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Gen, Gender-Neutral Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), POV Second Person, Tumblr: FFXIVwrite2020, technically an oc wol but written ambiguously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26264284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/class_3A/pseuds/class_3A
Summary: ⯈ crux: a vital, basic, decisive, or pivotal point.Many lives have been in your hands, but very few of them actually matter to you.
Relationships: Haurchefant Greystone & Warrior of Light
Kudos: 10





	1: crux

**Author's Note:**

> a haurchefant angst fic? in the year 2020? it's more likely than you'd think.

When they treat you with kindness, it’s so that you’d eventually repay that kindness twice fold, now that you owe them a favor. It’s so that you’ll raise your weapon for them, because destruction is actually a much sought-out form of service.

When they treat the wounds you’ve accumulated from the battles they sent you to, when they wish you well soon with eyes full of hope, it’s so that you can be back on your feet as soon as possible — so that you’ll be at their disposal again.

When they accept you as “one of them”, it’s because you’ve proven yourself useful enough to keep close. If you don’t keep sharpening the edge of your blade that dulls with every piece of flesh it cuts through, they will leave you.

All this is what you’ve ascertained to be the truth over the years.

And so you reason that the other Scions must have stayed behind because they knew a young boy, whose best of intentions and dreams had been shredded apart by a vile scheme, wouldn’t be able to stand back up on his own two feet if he were to be left alone. They knew that you still had worth left in you, worth that they somehow considered to be greater than their own lives. After all, you were a hero — a hero who still had too many more lives to save.

You couldn’t let them down. Not after all they’d done so that you may see another day, take another step. So, you trod onward. The cold wasn’t so bad, you thought. When it bit at your skin, the sting distracted you from the ache inside that you continuously failed to set aside. You kept going, because halting your steps here would surely end not only you, but also your companions. When the inhabitants carefully watched your arrival with gazes as cold as their lands, you were only further reminded of your duty. These were the people you’d have to melt or shatter, after all, whichever it was that would serve your purpose best.

So when you reached Camp Dragonhead to seek asylum, you did so with no shame — just enough modesty to avoid appearing entitled. After all, the debts you accumulated with each of Haurchefant’s generous gestures would soon be paid off.

Everything aligned with what you knew to be the rules — or so you thought.

The first time Haurchefant handed you a steaming cup of hot chocolate with a smile on his face, you calculated that a horde of Dravanian Aevis defeated at the north border should earn you roughly a week’s worth of these warm drinks. An unforeseen, careless encounter with some cyclops hindered you unable to perform said duty. The hot chocolates kept coming nonetheless. It bothered you to know that you’d now have to kill more Dravanians to make up for it.

Over time, the drinks became less frequent as you were permitted entrance to Ishgard, and more duties outside of Camp Dragonhead began to demand your attention. You still visited the post frequently nonetheless, even when it was off course and technically a waste of time. At some point — you can’t pin down exactly when — you began to respond to the hot chocolates with a simple “thank you” rather than formulating extended hunt plans in your mind.

When Haurchefant handed you the reins to his black chocobo, you somehow didn’t feel bound by obligation, and instead felt gratitude bursting from the bottom of your heart.

Throughout all this, you had no second thoughts as you continued to take life after life. A body collapsed to the floor was simply another objective complete. Your job was to incapacitate them, and whatever happened to them once they stopped moving was none of your business.

As you hold Haurchefant in your arms now, you realize for the first time how sickening, how _dreadful_ it is, to feel the pulse that sustains life grow fainter with each consecutive beat, right under your palm. You want to desperately claw at his weakening heart and grip it so tightly in your hands that it wouldn’t dare to stop, to scream at him, beg him to not leave you, but each word he utters takes so much of his breath and makes so little sound that you dare not utter anything, lest you miss even the faintest exhale.

He tells you that a smile better suits you.

You, the hero.

Of course, you’ve been the hero all along. You dared to forget that at times, when you had grown complacent, so maybe this was the Twelve’s cruel way of reminding you.

Who are you again?

The hero.

And so you smile, even if every fiber of your face muscles burn as you do so.

He smiles back. Of course he does.

Just like that, in a brief instant, so much was lost, and this time, you felt it all slip through your fingers.

* * *

Drenched in the crimson, you inhale deeply. As the stench of death fills your body, you picture the lives that this liquid must have once sustained. So many smiles flash before your eyes, but you feel nothing at their loss. Alas, it seems like you haven’t changed one bit since then.

You reach your hand up heavensward. Drops of blood from your gauntlet fall to your face.  
  
 _If you knew I was like this, would you still have raised your shield for me that day?_

You already know the answer to this silly question you asked yourself.

_… Of course you would have. You already did — you already knew. You ran in to save me that day because, despite all you knew, you still believed in me._

You lower your hand and close your eyes. There’s still much to do.

_Then, I won’t stop here._

_For those we have lost. For those we can yet save._

_I won’t let you, or any of them down, so keep your eyes on me from up there, yeah?_

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! you can also find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/himbothancred) and [tumblr](https://document01.tumblr.com/).


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